They said it would be hard, just not this hard. They didn't tell me that some days it would take all my will power to just get out of bed, that the thought of going outside would send me into a panic attack even if it is to see my family. The bigger the crowd the bigger the panic attack. This overwhelming sense of doom this sadness is always hanging over my head no matter what I do or say. I was told that it would get better, that the pills would kick in I just need to hang on a couple more weeks.
There are things I want to do, I want to go to school, I would love to move into a nice little apartment, to be able to take care of myself physically and most importantly emotionally and mentally. I want to do this I want to feel a drive to do these things, but it isn't there and I don't know how to find it.
But today is a new month, a new day, a new life. I will get out of bed, take a shower and get that one errand done. And tomorrow I will do two. Like Tom Hanks says in Sleepless in Seattle "Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breath in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out..."
The only down fall is that tomorrow I graduate from being a woman in her mid-twenties to her late-twenties. Ugh! :)
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